If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
