I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
