I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my vagina is haunted
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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