I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
