i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
