So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
