just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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