I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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