he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
