I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
