at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
