Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
