He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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