This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
