We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
