I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
