never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
