wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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