I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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