8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
