dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize