I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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