Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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