i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this boner is exhausting
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
