You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
