Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
