you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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