He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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