she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize