i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
