I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
