there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
