hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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