Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
