if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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