Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize