I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
