why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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