Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
