I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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