Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize