I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sarcasm needs its own font
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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