ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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