so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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