We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
