she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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