Jerry, you need to find god
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
