I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize