I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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