She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
