Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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