apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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