If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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