I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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