I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
