he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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