you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
