It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
