If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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