I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
