It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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