Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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