would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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