Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
