I wish I could punch you in the face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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