Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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