where am i from again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
