Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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