lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to calm my uterus...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
