The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
