i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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