We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
