ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
