My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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