I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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