you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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