so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
