So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
