I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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