Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
